What belongs together [Erwin x reader]

Frustrated Erwin let his head sink. In front of him, a pile of love-letters from secret admirers from everywhere within the Walls, every one of them saying how much they love and admire him for his courage. Even some from his beloved Legion couldn’t resist the urge and pressure of Valentine’s day and confessed their feelings. Some did it better, some did it worse, but in the end, he crushed every one of their dreams. He didn’t want to hurt them, but it just didn’t feel right to him, lying to them and playing their lover only that they would feel better.
Wiping all the letters from his desk so that they decorated his floor, he rose from his chair. The wooden chair cracked whilst he did so and he walked over to the door, smashing each letter and dream in his way. He took out a metal key. The cold metal felt cold against his warm palm, but he couldn’t care less, his heart had the same temperature and that was much more horrible. He locked the door in order to make it impossible for the cadets to trespass.
Alone, the blonde man walked behind his desk. The sound of his clacking heels echoed in the cold room and in his own blankness, he felt how the coldness seeped through each little crack in his office, through every stone, just to embrace and carry him off along with itself, to a place where he would be happier. At least that’s what he hoped, but nonetheless he couldn’t let the Scouting Legion alone and stayed alive, no matter how much it hurt his scared and worn out heart. Over the past years he tried to fill the never ending hole in his heart with the love of other women, but every woman dug deeper. Every time he kissed a woman, that was the proof that this woman wasn’t her. That she wasn’t the girl he’d once had and lost because of his anxiety of loosing her. And so all the romances ended one day. The only thing that cheered him up, but at the same time pulled him down, was her, the (h/c) haired girl he loved more than his own life.
Sinking back on his chair, the usually so confident Commander found himself crying after a girl that wasn‘t even alive anymore. He told his own soldiers that crying after the fallen doesn’t make sense. They were dead before they cried and were going to be dead after they cried, but now not even the Commander could lock his feelings away and sat there in silence. His cold cheeks burned as the hot tears rolled down until they dropped down from his chin.
He didn’t bother to wipe them away, he wanted that they burned his skin, so that she at least still did something to him, even though it was only the memory of her touch, her voice and all the perfection she had once been.
Bending down to the lowest, broken drawer in his desk, he shuffled through it and placed two objects on the table that kept him sane, at least a little. Taking the crumbled, torn letter in his hands, the last one he got before he heard of the tragedy, he read it for the hundredth time. He knew this letter by heart, he had read it often enough. But still, holding this letter in his hand, seeing how she had chosen every word with care and had written in the best language she’d had, made her more alive, to him.

The ink had already faded or smudged from his tears that covered the little piece of parchment. Nevertheless, he knew the words , imaging as he read over the ink staining her handwriting.
When his heart was satisfied, for now, he took little socks in his hand. Something no one else than Mike and himself knew, was that Erwin should have been father. The little kid died along with his mother, as the mother didn’t reach the gate to Wall Maria and got swallowed whole, if not worse.
He was knitting them for a long time. Sure they have holes, but he wanted to see them worn by his son, a little version of his girl and himself. But he would never see this child. One of the monsters had already swallowed it, not giving him the chance to open up his eyes and admire his beautiful mother.

A new sound echoed in his room as he heard a knock on his door. He could already tell by the force used that it was Levi on the other side, impatiently waiting for Erwin to unlock the blocking door so Levi could face his Commander.
Carefully putting the letter and socks back to their place, he rose from his seat, using the letters on the floor as his carpet and unlocked the door to his subordinate.

Eyes widening for a brief moment as he saw the red eyes of his Commander and the trails of the dried tears on his cheeks, he returned to his bored self, shoved Erwin out of the way and closed the door with such force that the letters on the floor shook slightly.

“Again?”, the small man looked up to his Commander. Even though he already knew the answer, he wanted to hear it from him. That the girl had broken him once again. That she found her way back to his mind and heart and ripped it apart as if it were nothing but a useless toy.

A single nod was the Commander’s answer as he walked to the giant window behind his desk, staring out of it with his hands folded behind his back.
Sighing he finally opened his mouth and spoke to the other man in the room, but still he kept his immobile gaze out of the window.

“You know Levi, our child should be 4 years old now.”
“Your child?”
“Mhm, (f/n) was pregnant as Shiganshina fell. I wasn’t there to protect her because I didn’t want the civilians to hate her for being my lover. So I kept on riding and didn’t talk to her and as a result, she died, along with our child.”

Speechless, something rare for Levi, his gaze found its way to the back of Erwin’s head, drilling through his skull and searching the girl to take her out of his mind and burry her somewhere Erwin would never find her. But she was everywhere, every spot of his body was marked, craving for a girl that was long gone. Furrowing his brows Levi went next to his Commander, searching for whatever was so interesting out there, that he couldn’t keep his gaze away from it.
There was nothing but nothingness.
And then Levi began to understand. His Commander craved for something that was long gone, so much that he felt blank and searched in the nothingness, where he hoped to find her. Nothingness was the only place where he hadn’t searched her yet, because it was so big. He would never find her, that was for sure, but the hope that she would wait for him somewhere out there, made him feel alive, at least a little.


Turning around Levi glanced back for a brief moment, opening his thin lips for a short remark.
“It’s always the same with you on Valentine’s day. Forget her Erwin, she’s dead and won’t ever return.”
And with this, the short man opened the door and smashed it shut, angry because this girl could brake his Commander over and over again.

Sighing he turned his head and answered Levi, even though he knew he wasn’t there anymore.

“I know, but I can go to her if I like.”

Appreciating the brief moment of silence and loneliness with her in his mind, a new knock interrupted his thoughts. This time it was lighter, more of a feminine knock.
Opening the door Hanji made her way towards him, putting a sympathizing smile on her face as she saw how he leaned back on his chair with his head hanging low.
Walking next to him, she placed a comforting hand on his trembling shoulder while kneeling down on the floor and tried to catch a glimpse of his gaze.
Pushing her glasses back, she rose from the floor and pulled Erwin’s arm to get him away from his self-pity, out of his office to the world that loved him.

“C’mon Erwin, we all don’t have anybody today. Why don’t you come along with us to the market, I’m sure a walk will clear your mind.”

The touch of a woman on his arm. A woman he liked, a woman he respected, but never a woman he would love.
Raising from his seat he agreed to her request, ordered her out of the room so that he could change to his civilian clothes, before he met his subordinates waiting for him.
Friends that stayed alive with him.

It wasn’t a very good idea to go out to the market. Everywhere were loving couples, holding hands, kissing each other, giving little presents and some even made a proposal in public. Oh yeah, his proposal never came, the ring in its velvet box stayed locked in the drawer, patiently waiting for the girl whose finger it belonged to. He nearly fell out of character as he saw a young couple, a blonde man and a (h/c) haired girl next to him, the bulge under her dress well seen for everybody. They had what he wanted. Pulling him into the bakery they tried to distract him from the other couples. Sitting on a chair in the corner, he kept his gaze fixed on the floor as all the aromas swirled around the air. Ordering a piece of cake for him, Hanji stood at the counter, waiting for the girl behind the counter to pack it up into a beautiful box and give it to the enthusiastic woman.
“Here you go, Miss. I hope you like the cake and visit us again.”

This voice. This young and melodic voice echoed in his ears as he slowly rose his head. Was his mind playing a game with him, did it want to give him a nicer Valentine’s day and imagined a (f/n) for him?

“Oh no it’s not for me.” Hanji answered, “it’s for this man over there. He can use a little distraction.”

Looking past the brunette a short gasp left the girl’s lips as she stared at the man on the chair in disbelief.

“Erwin...” she whispered inaudible for the rest of the bakery, but loud enough for him to hear the voice he wanted to hear so dearly for the past four years. Hanji jumped baffled out the way, as the woman jumped over the counter. Running to the one man she wanted to see so dearly over the past years she couldn’t stop the tears rolling down her (s/c) cheeks. Jumping up from his seat he nearly kicked Mike as he ran to her, his tears not burning his skin anymore as they fell from his sky-blue eyes.
Embracing him with her trembling arms, she buried her head in his chest, her tears damping his shirt. Holding her close to his body he buried his head in the crook of her neck, inhaling her scent. Smiling against her skin he was sure that it was her, the scent of hers, the way her (h/c) hair framed her countenance and how her (e/c) eyes shone brighter than the stars when they saw him.

“(f/n), I finally found you.”

And now Hanji, Mike and Levi understood what this was all about. Their lips traveling north, they smiled at the picture in front of them. He finally found what he searched for.
Forgetting his surroundings, Erwin tilted her chin upwards. The feeling of her skin against his hands was softer than he had remembered, he pressed his lips against the girl’s ones, their tears mixing as they fell to the ground under their feet.
She was back, she was finally back.

Her eyes widening she backed away from him. He Looked at her in utter disbelief as she grabbed his hand in hers and ran out of the bakery, down the street to the kindergarten.

“(f/n) what are we doing here?”

She kept on running, her legs quickening the longer they ran. Ignoring her burning throat and lungs she finally stood in front the kindergarten’s doors. She slowly opened them and looked for a little boy.

“MUMMY!” a boy shrieked as he caught sight of her in the doorway, running up to her and hugged her leg as tightly as his little arms let him.
Staring at the child clinging on her leg he couldn’t belief who was in front of him. Blonde hair like his father, (e/c) eyes like his mother. Both survived.

Nuzzling in his mother’s thigh the young boy eventually looked up to the stranger holding his mother’s hands.

“Mummy who is the man next to you?”

Erwin’s heart jumped as he heard his son’s voice. His innocent eyes looking up at him, the same look on his eyes like his mother’s whenever she didn’t understand something.

“Guess my little angel.” she answered their son, her lips curling up into a small smile as she squeezed Erwin’s hand.

“Daddy?”